untitled (53)

I just got out from a very crappy and unhealthy relationship.
A very bad one.
It ended bad, and it left some feelings that doesn't worth mentioning,
So these last couple months i used to woke up in pains.
my heart ache, my mind ache.
just because i can't bear the thought living a life without him.
it is sounds pretty lame, so i hid it so damn well from everyone.
i smiled, i laugh, i said i'm fine when truly i wasn't.
i'm far away from fine. i wasn't even in the same area code with fine.
i just hid what i've felt by sleep it off every morning till noon.
I sleep till noon without a bit worry that I might miss something because I knew there is nothing can ever happen to make my day better from it used to be.
I became bitter and bitter everyday.
Everyday, I live with a huge amount of regrets and a big fat "what could've been?" Question in my mind.
And it ain't fun. It kills me.
I start look at my self and ask my self "who am I become?".
Day by day.
I was ashamed of my self for being so pathetic and so lame.
I used to be this though-have-fun-go-mad kinda' girl who didn't give a damn rat ass to everything.
I used to like my self.
But lately I become this pathetic, lame version of me. I become the worst version of my self.
And sometimes I got scared of my self.
Everyday, I said to my self that one day there will come the day that woken up wouldn't be so hard. The day that wake up and living a life without him isn't hard at all. The day I realize that living a life without him is totally possible to do.
I kept telling my self that to give strength to my self until one morning I woke up.
I woke up without any pain.
I woke up and can breath easily.
I woke up and realize living a life without him was fine.
I was fine without him, a life without him isn't impossible.
And the truth is I didn't feel a slight feelings of pain when I recall the truth about there is no him in my life.
I'm fine.
I'm doin' just fine and I will be just fine.
then I remember I was once said that one day either he will come crawling back to me, or I will forget about him eventually. Well, I never thought "one day" is now.